A look at Muse and Spice - Rainbow Awards Winners

  (actually a post for the Evernight Blog, reproduced here because I can 😏 )

Best Transgender Romance 

and 

Best Transgender Book 2018-2019

A Muse to Live For

A Muse to Live For is the story of a Victorian painter and the crossdressing male prostitute who becomes his muse and lover. As one of the Rainbow Awards Honorable Mentions correctly points out, Gabriel/le is “not so much trans as truly androgynous”. I thought this was truly central to this character, who, at a time when coming out and transitioning were out of question, must be pragmatic about his identity, and straddle the lines between common sense, sexual fetish, artistic performance, and gender dysphoria as best they could.

This is my first serious attempt at historical fiction, and oh boy, was it a steep learning curve! There was so much to research that at times it was all I could do to write a paragraph in one day! I was delighted when one reviewer commented “I googled this”, as they thought it might be genuinely historical. There’s no higher praise for a fiction writer!

Part of the realistic feel comes perhaps from the locale of the story. I was stubbornly set on avoiding the more usual historical romance haunts. No ballrooms, no dukes and debutantes, no grand country houses. We have a saying in Italy, "nothing grows from diamonds; flowers grow from manure". Perhaps I am just more familiar with manure than diamonds, but given my fascination for Pre-Raphaelite painters and their penchant for picking stunning beautiful lower class women as models, muses and wives, it was natural that I would gravitate towards the less glamorous districts and professions, and the often harrowing life of the London poor. 

In a story that is so much about the creation of art, the contrast between the darkness of the setting and the purity of love and beauty found within it has an almost painterly chiaroscuro effect that gives much more depth and brilliance to the characters and their journey.

A Muse to Live For on Amazon 

Best Transgender Romance  2018 - 2019

Spice & Vanilla

Spice &Vanilla was originally conceived as a quick and hot Erotic Romance, but then the story got out of hand entirely and became a true emotional roller-coaster. The core of this novel is Lucie’s struggle for acceptance after her first disastrous coming out. When I first started researching M to F crossdressing and transition I was struck by how many heart-breaking stories of coming out, rejection and purging popped up on forums and message boards. Purging is a word often used to describe the heartrending destruction of all female clothes and accessories from one’s closet (real and metaphorical), in an attempt to repress one’s gender queerness. It goes without saying that the material objects carry more meaning than just “clothes”, “hats”, “lipstick”, "mascara". It’s a whole, real identity that gets denied existence.

It’s a tremendously painful (and alas common, and recurrent) experience for some people, in a world where gender issues are still very little understood by the majority of the population, despite all the howling media coverage we are witnessing every day. It strikes me as odd that so few transgender stories are written for a cisgender public, because this is something sorely needed to bridge the gap in understanding.

It takes I think an almost superhuman courage to collect the pieces after such a rejection, and find the hope and determination to try, again, and again, to find love and acceptance.

I wanted to explore this in detail, and other things. The different nuances of crossdressing as a sexual fetish and crossdressing as an exploration of a different and whole gender identity, for example. Two things that can overlap, but are also distinct. Gender issues are a very intriguing and poignant way for a writer to explore the depth and intricacy of the human psyche.

And I wanted to write about the collateral damage of an awkward coming out. After all it’s pointless to deny that transition affects the lives of spouses and families too, often very painfully. Compassion respect and understanding are things that must go both ways for love to survive.

Spice & Vanilla on Amazon